Poxipol x Shattered feelings

Nathaniel Riverside


His relationship with Thomas Shelby was uncertain and full of one sided-animosity at best and morphed into enemies on various occasions, and yet, Nathaniel found himself unable to stop thinking about those blue, piercing eyes and about a spirit, that despite being at great disadvantage, despite fear and humiliation, refused to completely bend for him.
It was taunting, the image of Tommy on his knees, tears in his eyes, mouth around a cock.
Nathaniel couldn’t stop thinking about the future they both would have had if Thomas showed up that night in London. But that was the past. And at present, Nathaniel was content with having Shelby where he wanted him and that is, his private mansion on the outskirts of Edinburgh.
Far enough from enemies and friends.
Both Thomas – under watchful eye of the best doctor a money could get and his son, Charles, were escorted there yesterday, in the middle of the night. And now, come morning, Thomas was finally starting to wake up.
Nathaniel sat on the side of his bed, looking for any sign of consciousness. He didn’t even pretend not to look worried.

Thomas Shelby

Thomas Shelby was many things, but he wasn't a fucking idiot, or at least that's what he always thought. Well, the universe apparently decided to prove him wrong, and, honestly, Thomas felt like he actually did hear the universe whisper into his ear for quite some time right now; he actually did think way too long before he decided to kill the priest, and even stanging there, on this fucking little bridge, something was telling him to stop, to go back.
He should have listened to this voice - he was a fucking Gypsy, he fucking knew that such feeling should not be ignored, but he ignored them nonethless. And what the fuck was he thinking when he took that coke, went to the fucking dinner, to Ada, when he noticed his sight going away? What the fuck was he thinking?
Blinders' king didn't actually expect to lie through this, to escape death once again, but there he was, opening his eyes, feeling the air going through his battered ribs, burning his dry throath.
Thomas blinked slowly, licked his dry lips. He tried to look around, but dull pain - thanks God it was dull, it wasn't killing him like before, someone gave him fucking painkillers - in his skull stopped him from that. Still, he managed to catch a glimpse of light grey curtains and incredibly soft, blue bed sheets, before he swam into unconsciousness again.
Shelby managed to wake up about an hour later, and this time he was actually awake enough to understand, that there weren't blue sheets in the hospital. He tried to take in the room again and met another surprise: there was Nathaniel fucking Riverside at his bedside.
"What's..." He rasped. God, did he need a cup of water right now. "What's goin on? Why I'm here?"
Wherever "here" actually was.

“It’s all right, Tommy,” he muttered, keeping his voice low as to not disturb the patient, as soon as those blue eyes opened and focused at him. He could have said many things at that moment – I have your son, so be good and do whatever you’re told or you owe me another life debt Shelby.
Instead, he had reached for a glass of water and helped the man drink.
“Let’s just say that we have a common enemy,” he said after a moment of silence. “And that makes us allays, of sorts.”
Nate put his hand on Thomas’ cheek, gently stroking it with his fingers, caressing. He hoped that Shelby was going to make a swift recovery –
“You are at my mansion in Edinburgh,” he explained further. “Your men don’t know about it. Your son is with us as well, for his own safety. Without you in the picture, your family should be good on their own.”
“Don’t worry, Tommy,” Nate whispered, bending and stealing a small kiss from the other. “Rest. Recover. I’ll bring Charles to you as soon as your health gets better. Now, let the doctor do his job.”

Thomas gladly accepted the glass and drank it's content so fast that he nearly choked; only Nathaniel's steady hand did stop him from spilling water all over himself.
He nodded shortly, as if trying to say thanks. He didn;t run from Nathan's hands, didn't even seem to be bothered by the gentle touch.
For a moment, Shelby even looked quite peacefull. And then he heard his son's name.
"Charles? Why did you take him?  Tell me he's okay, and don't fucking hurt him. You took me here for a reason, hey? What do you need from me? I'll do this, just leave my boy out of it."
Thomas tried to lean on his elbows, to get some leverage and sit up, but he failed miserably. Sudden pain - and, surprisingly, Riverside's hand on his shoulder - forced him to lie down again.
"I'm allright! Common enemies, right? Who you wan't dead? Just give me something, morphine, cocaine, doesn't even matter. Just..." He stopped. He could not panic. Not now.

Well, what was he expecting, really? It was Tommy focking Shelby, a man that literally couldn’t exist without a context of his family – and recently, especially his son.
Nathaniel pushed Thomas back on the bed and then, bending a little, placed a soft kiss on his dry mouth. It wasn’t gesture of pure affection, Riverside did get a perverted kick out of it, but mostly, he hoped it will help him calm Shelby down. Even if by a factor of pure shock and unexpectedness of the act.
“Hush,” he said, this time more firmly. “I took your son along so that the priest and his damn organization won’t laid their hand on him. It’s painfully obvious that he’s the best leverage one could get against you. That being said…”
He kissed him again, barely touching their lips together.
“You are both safe here,” he whispered. “Look at me Shelby.”
Nathaniel took Tommy’s chin in his hand, gently positioning his head and making sure they maintained eye contact.
“I am not going to hurt your son. Do you understand it?” He asked, very seriously. “Charles is now sleeping in his new room. You should be resting as well. I’ll bring him to you in the morning, key? Look at me Tommy. Do you understand?”

Riverside was right - the gentle kiss did shock Thomas enough to stop him from trying to get up.
His heart was still racing, hands gripping the sheets, but he was surprised enought to actually listen.
"Yes." Tommy said finally, his voice raspy and tired, desperate, alien to his own ears. "Yes, I understand. Thank you for ensuring his safety."
Shelby visibly relaxed and let himself fall against the pillows. He wasn't calm, of course he fucking wasn't, he would actually need to have his son with him right now, but he didn't want to push his luck.
Just a moment later, a doctor came into the room - apparently this man here was the one who actually made Thomas skull whole again and ensured that Shelby didn't lose his fucking eyes. It was really quite a shame that Blinders' leader retched on the mans white coat the moment said man tried to make him sit straight.
"Sorry. Got fucking dizzy..." And wasn't that just fucking perfect, to lie in someone's bedroom, vomiting stomach acid all over the sheets while crying your eyes out because of sudden pain in the head?
Thomas would laugh at himself if he didn't lose counciousnes just a moment later.

Shelby woke up next afternoon, luing in the fresh sheets, chanceg into clean clothers, still dizzy, dreaming about a bath, and fucking hungry, but feeling way better anyway. But of course, the first thing he asked about when Nathan entered his room was his boy.
"I wan't to see my son. You promised me you will let me see him today."

He had had enough decency to leave when the doctor entered but as he stayed at the corridor, he could hear perfectly how serious Shelby’s condition was. And wasn’t that a fucking thought? That Thomas could have died? And by accident of an untrained assassin, no less. Nathan wanted to destroy something as soon as he remembered the men and the priest. Their whole communist organization. To hell with all of them!
Yet, instead of ordering his men on a hunt, instead of fucking up their cover, he went to check if Charles was sleeping peacefully.
The next day, Thomas hadn’t woken up till evening. He just finished eating dinner with Charles, when a nurse came in to inform him that Mr. Shelby is conscious again. And of course, the first question was about the son.
“Well, I guess I did promise you that, didn’t I?” He said with a deep sigh, but nonetheless, send a maid to fetch the child. “Do not overtax yourself, kay?”
He sat in the same place as before, on the bed, in the legs. He put his hand on Thomas’ exposed ankle, skin-to-skin contact sending pleasant shivers down his spine.
“I have no idea why, but your son will unleash all daemons of hell if he were to eat at the dining room,” he started, smiling fondly at the memory of today’s meal. “But once you call dining room a kitchen he is all happy and sunshine. He did the same with care. He wouldn’t go in the car but automobile was fine by him. Such a precious child.”

"I will be fine." Thomas was pretty sure he would fucking lose his mind if he didn't see his son right now. He casted a loo at his feet, but didn't move it away from Riverside's hand.
Birmingham's king tensed up a little when Nath mentiones having dinner with Charles; obviously Tommy still didn't trust the man with his boy. Or, to be more accurate - he didn't trust anyone but Polyanne with him.
"Yes, he does that sometimes." Said Shelby anyway, to not show his concern. "I guess it's because of the fact that his mother spoke in a very particular way."
Thankfully, before he managed to say anything else, the maid came in, holding Charles in her arms. Boy was completely safe, healthy, he was even giggling at the womans curls, and when he notices his dad he went absolutely euphoric.
Shelby felt the weight of the world being lifted from his shoulders.
"Hey there, big boy. Having fun here, hey? Come to daddy." He took Charles from the maid and carefuly hugged him. "Dad missed you, you know?"
Thomas looked at Nathaniel.
"Thank you for keeping him safe. I don't know how I will repay that." Thomas laid a kiss on top of his son's head and fell silent. For a long moment he just sat there, petting the boy's hair and murmuring something in romanian to his ear.
Then, his stomach decided to ruin the moment by growling loudly.

Nathaniel was silent as he observed the family reunion. Charles surely was excited to see his father after so long and Riverside didn’t have it in him to point out that Shelby shouldn’t be lifting anything – not even his son.
He, however, couldn’t stop a laugh when he heard Tommy’s stomach. He stood up and extended his hands for the boy. And to Thomas surprise, Charles went easily, with a smile and a giggle. Riverside was almost sorry about how easy it was for him to take the child away from Tommy. Especially when Shelby’s blue eyes locked onto his, expressing everything the man felt.
“Charlieee,” Nathaniel sing-sang, jumping a bit to make the boy laugh more. “Charlie, Charlie, we going to let your daddy eat in peace, kay? Maria will bring him some dinner and in the meantime, he should try to rest a bit, kay?”
“Plane!” Charles yelled in his high pitched, childish voice. “Plane! Nate Plane!”
Nathaniel laughed at that, but as he was standing not sitting, he obliged the child and began to spun around, rising Charles up and down, up and down and around. He stopped after what felt like a minute, almost out of breath, but the kid was in heaven, happy and yelling in excitement.
“Now, now,” he said more firmly, settling Charles on the nearby armchair and letting him play with feathered pillow – and by play, Charlie obviously meant plucking all the feathers out. “Are you feeling better Thomas?”

Somehow, while looking at Charles and Nathe, Tommy felt betrayed, jealous, angry. And hurt.
Moments like that were supposed to be his and Grace's alone and Shelby found out that he wasn't ready to see his boy this happy in someone else's arms, but he stopped himself from saying anything. Because it was actually fucking fine: this meant Charles felt safe here, that no one tried to even scare him. And that was good, safe was good, so Shelby just nodded and looked at his boy siting in the armchair now.
"I'm fine. Only my head hurts." No, he wasn't. He had problem formulating his thoughts, choosing right words, he couldn't focus, everything hurt with this kind of quiet, dull pain, every quick movememt caused a nauaea, he didn't fucking see clearly and he was worried sick about the rest of his family.
"A meal, quick shower, some coke, and I'm good to discuss buisness and go back to London." He looked around himself, smiling only whem his gaze met Charles. He spotted his cigarettes on a nightstand.
"Could you pass me my cigarettes?"

Nathaniel sighed and walked up to the bed, standing between Thomas and his baby. Right now he wanted to be the sole focus of the Peaky Blinder’s leader. And as stubborn and proud as Shelby was, at some point even the hardest man had to take a step back and consider his options – that, or risk being broken.
“Thomas,” Nathaniel said and his hand was back on Tommy’s skin, caressing his cheek. “Don’t lie to me.”
Gently, as if touching a deer – or a wild horse he wanted to tame, something pure and precious, he brushed Tommy’s hair and scratched delicately at his skin. He was sure to avoid the side that was operated on.
“There’s no other business here than you getting better,” he said quietly. “There’s no reason you should pretend to be stronger than you are. Your men aren’t here to see you. You don’t have to be their fearless leader or a genius businessman. I want you to be Tommy Shelby. A father. A boy that used to make impressions to humour the others.”
As soon as he finished talking, Maria brought dinner. Lamb and vegetables; easy on the stomach.
Nathaniel took the chair and sat beside Thomas, taking the dinner set and placing it on his lap.
“Here, let me feed you, Tommy.”

"I am Thomas Shelby. A father and a leader at one time, I am not able to turn one part off. And a boy?" He raised his eyebrow and gave Nathaniel disbelieving look. "That boy died in France. Long time ago."
Shelby looked at his son and smiled again. Charlie made Thomas' heart go really soft. Way too soft.
"Yeah, right. No buisness with the guy who's life you saved. Twice." Thomas didn't even try to stop himself from sighing, even though he visibly tensed when je felt Riverside's hand at his skull. He would never admit that loud, but that felt kind of... nice. Pleasant.
But Thomas would die before admitting that.
"Don't know what game you're playing at, but let's just leave it here."
The maid came in and Thomas didn't manage to stop himself from taking the meal from her with way too much happiness. He was hungry as fuck. When did hr even eat last time?
"You... what? You want to feed me?" Shelby asked, and he didn't even try to hide his disbelief.
His hands were fucking fine, he could eat just fine.
But je was alive, in Nathan's bed, and Charles was right in front of them.
"Fine. But I want my cigarette later. And I still need a bath."
Thomas looked right into his ex-colonel eyes, didn't evwn blinked when the man put the fork in front of his mouth. He ate without muttering even a single protest, even if he was visibly uncomfortable.
"We actually have buisness. I can't stay here long, have to fo back. But my son needs to be safe. And I'm willing to pay quite a price for that. But I want my shower first, I must look like shit."

Well, and didn’t a bath sound great?
Nathaniel had had to put some effort into not getting ridiculously aroused during the meal time. Instead, he focused on the way Thoma’s expression and whole demeanour changed once he was looking at his son. As if two different men lived in one body.
Riverside was determined to see more of that old Shelby – the one that could smile freely and knew how to joke around. This one, the man he took under his roof, was too shattered, had too much darkness and sins on his shoulders; too much sleepless nights and guilt to be even remotely similar.
“Eat,” Nate said as he took a part of the lamb and helped Thomas up. Perhaps the other man thought himself well, but Nathaniel saw the doctor’s opinion – hell he was there when Thomas was examined.
“Your son will be safe,” he said as an afterthought. “But I’m not letting you go back until you’re cleared by the doctor. And I’ll go as far as to threaten your boy if you dare to argue, Shelby. Charles needs a pennyless father more than a dead one.”
And in that tone, the dinner passed.

"I won't die, nor allow myself, nor my family, to lose our money, status, or honor. And I will fucking kill you before I'll let you touch my boy. So fuck off."
Thomas may have seemed to be confident, but when he heard about his son being hurt, he immediately stopped fighting.
But he still didn't lose his temper, of course he didn't: when Nath - and he was way to smug about it - finally fed him, Shelby nodded and tried to sit up by himself.
Brunette swapped Riverside's hand away when the man tried to help him and forced his pained muscles to cooperate: he sat up, grunting and trying to hide his discomfort and stop himself from vomiting his dinner.
Oh God, he was so fucking dizzy right now, and wjy tje fuck everything went dark for a moment? Thomas touched the side of his head.
"Never fight with a priest, hey? Knew the gypsys had it worse." Oh God, that was such a bad joke.
Birmingham's king took a deep breath and tried to stand up. Oh his own.
"Fuck!" He fell down on the bed, but, hey, he almst did stand up!

Jesus fucking Christ. Was there any moment in history in witch Thomas actually listened?
Nathaniel wanted to swear at – or even better, punch Tommy, when he almost blacked out of sheer stupidity. Instead, he had asked Maria to take Charles to the stable to see horses when he’ll deal with the boy’s father.
And oh my, did he need dealing with.
“Shelby,” he said, almost growling. “Your condition is not a joke. You are fucking lucky to be alive so do us both a favour and don’t commit suicide in my summer house, right?”
With that being said, Nate pushed him back on the bed, being extra cautious not to upset the head and the injury.
“The real bath has to wait,” he said after that. “I’ll bring you a wet cloth and help you clean.”
Seeing the protest, being born anew in Shelby’s eyes, Nathaniel took a quick action. He kissed the man, this time more forcefully.
“You want a deal? Fine.” Nathaniel brushed his thumb against Tommy’s lips. “Your body. I want it. And in exchange, your son will be well protected.”

Thomas had to close his eyes when his back hit the pillows. The world started to swirl again. Jesus, he really overdid it this time. He was going to ask for more painkillers and then Nathaniel opened his mouth.
"My body?" Thomas didn't manage to hide how baffled he was by that statement.
Because, seriously? All of this just for sex? And how lame that excuse was? Nathaniel risked his own safety and position by taking Shelby and his kid in, and just few minutes ago Riverside was trying to convince Tommy that he just wants him to get better and... Well. If the guy wanted to have sex, the "waiting to get better" part actually made sense. And didn't men go long way just for money and sex? Weren't they prepared to change they whole demeanor, spend hundreds on gifts and restaurants just to invite a woman to their bed?
Longer Thomas thought about it, more sense it made. When Shelby tried to take over the opium shop and found out about the documents that Nathaniel had on his brothers, Riverside could have forced him to do basically everything. He could have forced Tommy to kill, cheat and steal, to take care of some kind of fraud - he could have used the almost-millionaire known for his shady past to get his hands dirty again. And yet Nathan chose to force said man to his knees, to suck him off, to use him like a cheap whore.
For a moment there, Thomas honestly tought this was some kind of sick power play, a twisted way to show one's superiority over a dirty gypsy bastard who doesn't know his place in the world, but now...
"You saved me and me boy from priest's man just to have sex with me? Well, it actually makes sense now. Your behaviour back then, in London." And wasn't that just hilarious? To get your live saved because of your ass? Shelby fought his need to laugh.
"I want Charles fucking untouchable. And all documents you have on my family burned down. Every single one of them, along with the copies."
He didn't need to have his papers destroyed: he was very prepared for the fact that he will hang, or get shot, sooner or later. He was more worried about the rest of the Shelby's. And if the price for their safety was his body, then why the fuck not?
Of course it was fucking strange. Of course Tommy didn't want to do this, but God, bending your will, swallowing your pride and getting on your kness from time to time was fucking safer than risking your life while trying to kill someone. Especially if Nathaniel was desperate enough to mess with communists: if he wanted Thomas so fucking much, it could be used against him, sooner or later. Afterr all, weren't sex and money the best ways to manipulate someone?
"If you agree to that, I guess we will have a deal."
The maid chose that exact moment to come in with a bowl full of warm water and a cloth, smelling faintly of some minty soap. Shelby looked at Riverside and suddenly he unterstood that his ex-colonel wasn't going to just "help" him with getting cleaned up.
"M not a kid, you know? I can do this myself."

If Nate ever took precious time to sit down and rethink his actions, perhaps, he would have seen it – the obvious signs of his crush, that went as far as the war. However, Nate never thought it wise to dwell on his feelings and liked to live in the world where he had some influence over his own heart.
And if he repeated to himself at night that he’ll kill Shelby when he becomes too much of a burden, so be it.
Everyone lies, after all.
“I know you can do it yourself,” he said and at the end, his smile widened. “But if you want a deal, your body will be mine to do as I please. And I’m not going to destroy any evidence. It would be foolish to get rid of something that will keep you in check.”
Nathaniel ordered Maria to take Charles out and when they were left alone, he approached the bowl and took the wet cloth out of it. He considered his next options – he could act as a gentleman and let Shelby take care of himself, but he could also be himself, and take whatever he could out of this situation.
“I think I should know what I’m buying, don’t you?” He asked and then took the sheets away, exposing Tommy’s body. “Let’s get you out of this clothes first, Tommy.”

"No.You already have my boy." Thomas shaked his head a little; just a little, to not risk getting dizzy again. He was getting fed up with the feeling.
"It's supposed to be a deal, and believe me, if I'll get more out of it, I'll give more to you. I want those papers burned."
It wasn't that he really, actually needed Nathaniel to destroy those documents: Shelby could do this himself, and he would do this just fine, it would simply take way more time. He just wanted to check just how much can he actually get and how much Nathan was willing to give.
It was painfully obvious, just how stubborn Shelby could get if he wanted. Nathaniel could force him to cooperate using just his son, sure; but just how more pleasant could things go if Thomas would start to actually cooperate? Just how desperate Riverside was?
"Besides: I don't break deals, not unless someone breaks them first. You don't need to have anything to keep me in check."
Shelby raised his arms and started unbuttoning his shirt slowly. There was absolutely nothing erotic about the way he did it: he forced his jaw to relax and his gaze to remain focused on Nathan's face, his hands moved quickly, efficiently, very soldier-like.
Also the view that met Riverside's eyes after Birmingham's king took his shirt off wasn't exactly pleasant: skin around Tommy's ribs was still bruised, yellowish-green, his arms unpleasantly tense, covered in green in the places where priest's fists landed.
Nathaniel didn't seem to be overly enthusiastic.
"Not what you were expecting, ey?" Thomas raised his eyebrow.
The stubborn mule didn't wait for any help - of course he didn't - and the moment he took his shirt off, he forced himself to bend down and reach for his pyjama pants, even though he didn't manage to stiffle pained gasp.

Nathaniel couldn’t take his eyes off Shelby. He was exactly how he imagined – perfect. Toned muscles from years of hard work, then digging tunnels during war didn’t disappear when Tommy returned to his country. Even bruised and beaten up, he looked every inch as he was supposed to, in Nate’s head.
“No,” he muttered, gently touching Tommy’s cheek. “No, we’re not making a deal like that. I <b> have </b> your son.” He stressed.
“And you’ll take the offer,” he bend a bit and give Thomas’ forehead a soft, gentle kiss. “If it works. If I like what I bought, we may discuss the matter further in a few months. That should give you enough motivation to keep up your façade.”
Nathaniel wasn’t stupid. He could see - as plain as could be – Shelby’s discomfort. Thomas wasn’t into other men, especially those who held power over him, and on top of that, he still mourned after his dead wife. Romances with anyone weren’t on his mind and yet. Yet Riverside was there, trying to wake up that part of Thomas that desperately wanted and needed love.
He was willing to give it, as much as it would take.
“You are a stubborn dog, aren’t you?” Nate laughed as Shelby tried to bend. “Stop it. Right now.”
Without waiting for the other’s approval, he kneeled and started to take off Shelby’s pants.
“Spread your legs,” he muttered, when Tommy was properly naked and he was still on his knees.
Nathaniel had a plan.
And it included positive reinforcement.

"But my son remains untouchable. One hair falls off his head and this deal can go to hell."
Thomas took a deep breath and stopped himself from making comments when Nate called him a dog. So this game was supposed to look like that? Well. As humiliating as it was, Shelby could work with that. Being a stupid dog, dirty gypsy or a bloody thief was easier than being someone precious. It was more normal, and Shelby was used to that.
If Nathaniel would prefer to play some kind of sick lovey-dovey shit Tommy wouldn't be able to play his part.
When he heard the second order, Blinders' boss gave Riverside a surprised look. Shelby was getting prepared for a big load of humiliation, not for... this. Not that he was totally opposed to the idea, even if he wasn't really into men the sole idea didn't disgust him, was just kind of strange, but wasn't this shit supposed to work the other way around?
Tommy spread his legs nonetheless and watched Nathaniel closely, like a hawk, but when their eyes met, Shelby looked the other way around and visibly tensed.
Weeeell. Wasn't someone a little bit shy there?
"Are you serious?"

“Then we have a deal.”
Nathaniel raised one eyebrow. Now what? Was that still about that uneasiness that was always there, in the way Thomas looked, moved and behaved. In the things he was saying… Nathaniel supposed only part of that was caused by the situation, by the closeness of the other person, a man especially. The rest?
The rest started during the war and was accumulating ever since.
Riverside wasn’t a shrink, he couldn’t help people in that way. But he was there, on the battlefield and he knew what it was like, to fear death. To live through countless soldier’s minutes. To let the war destroy you.
He had to rebuild himself and still, there were cracks and missing parts in what once was whole.
“Why not?” He rested his head on Thomas inner thigh and looked at the man curiously. “Did you really thought I’d want to bend you over and fuck just like that?”
First of all, any abrupt movement was a really bad idea, next, if Riverside wanted a quick, rough fuck he’d go to China Town and pay double.
“Why are you looking away?” He smiled a bit and kissed Thomas’ thigh, close to his cock, but not yet there. Nathaniel’s other hand started massaging Shelby’s leg, slowly and gently. “Back there, in London. It never was about humiliating you, but you didn’t seem to notice that detail.”
“Now, how do you like it Tommy?”

"No. You wouldn't want to fuck me just like that." He didn't offer any futher explanation, but his intent was obvious: more than two months passed since their last meeting, and during this time Nathaniel didn't make any big move. He was way to patient to have his way with Shelby "just like that".
"I don't care what was that about." Bullshit. He was dying to know Nathan's real intentions: it would really, honestly help to understand the man, his weaknesses', and to use this whole situation against him.
But again: Shelby would never admit this out loud.
Thomas remembered what he said to May once: he was the man who rarely answered questions. Somehow, he felt that he fucking has to answer this one. Well.
"And if I don’t tell you?” Tommy said, because sometimes he couldn’t help himself.
He expected the smile, but not the hand slipping up his leg, higher, pressing his muscles with just enough force to show that he has to give some answer.
"Fast. Rough." Because rough was safe, rough meant no feelings. And wasn't that just perfect in his condition? Good luck being rough with patient in this state, Nath. "Rougher’n you."

In this world, one could not exist without using other people. It was the unwritten law of life, the way things worked – I’ll let you use me, my resources and connections if you let me use yours. And the eternal struggle was to use the other more.
Nathaniel was aware of that. Of how dangerous Shelby could be if anything went wrong. Damn, the kid already had Birmingham on its knees and was doing his best to own London as well. Or at least part of it.
But today wasn’t only about taking. Nathaniel wanted to give. Without any hidden agenda. He simply wanted to watch Thomas relax, have some pleasure in his life.
“If you don’t tell me this can be rather awkward, don’t you think?” He said, amused.
He huffed his breath straight at Shelby’s cock, wanting to see if it’ll give him any reaction at all.
Then, when Tommy finally answered, he couldn’t help but rise his eyebrow. Well, didn’t that sound like a challenge?
“Are you teasing me, Shelby?” He asked, both amused and excited to see If he could undo this man. Break him, get to his purest, rawest form. “I’d say we can bet that I can make you come under three minutes, but then knowing you, you wouldn’t let yourself enjoy this purely out of spite.”
“So, how is it going to be, Tommy? Are you going to be stubborn about this?”
He grabbed Shelby’s cock and tugged gently, curiously. Oh he couldn’t wait.

"You didn't tell me in London. Wasn't that horribly awkward, even if not really good."
The thing was, Tommy didn't think less of gay people, didn't see any reason to. He wasn't repulsed by the idea of getting his cock touched by a man. Fuck, he did this once, in France, with Freddie, the night before meeting the Germans, the night they believed to be their last one.
And it wasn't half bad, back then. Shelby simply decided that he liked sex with women more. Still, that didn't mean that Nathan's hands and mouth, being so close to his skin, didn't make any impression: Tommy gripped his fists on the sheets, trying to stop himself from any reaction.
"Oh, what the fuck." Shelby took a deep breath, relaxed his jaw and leaned on his elbows.
There was no fucking point in pretending. He didn't have any problem with having sex with a man, he did have a problem with submitting to someone who had this much power over him, he did have problem with betraying Grace's memory, with touching someone who was a threath to her son, but he made a fucking deal.
Thomas Shelby did not break his deals because of his doubts. He could deal with his guilt later, like he always did, and now there was nothing stopping him from at least trying to enjoy this, right?
"I'm not gonna make this unnecesary hard. Do your worst." Thomas gave his ex-colonel a considering look, trying to keep his poker face on - and just how un-sexy this was? - but... Was that a smile trying to fight it's way onto his face?

Nathaniel snorted at that. But then, he was glad that Tommy decided to cooperate. And besides, he was quite good at giving blowjobs – he had a lot of experience in that field, both from war and from his private life.
Without delaying it further, he licked his lips and a second later, he had is mouth full. It was clear as a day, that he could do better than Thomas did in London. He didn’t have issues with taking his cock all the way in.
He licked, sucked and even bit gently in the right places, trying to deliver the ‘rough’ part. He knew he couldn’t push Tommy too hard, given the man’s condition, but he wasn’t going to pamper him with gentle kisses and caressing. Not yet, anyway.
All the time, he looked at Thomas, judging his reactions and adjusting his actions properly. He drank those little grunts, the way Tommy clenched his fist and jaw, the way he frowned. He was simply gorgeous.
He wondered how long will it take for him to come.

Well. Wasn't Nathan just way too good at that? Tommy guessed that he shouldn't be surprised, his ex-colonel didn't even try to hide the fact that he was into men, but still... Despite of his words, Shelby didn't really expect such treatment. Still, he was not going to complain. Not at all, not when everything hurt and Riverside's tongue on his cock felt like fucking heaven.
"Oh, fuck..." Shelby felll down on the sheets, still gripping the material between his fingers. He closed his eyes.
Nathaniel really knew what to do, he was causing Tommy's mouth to fall open in a silent display of his pleasure. He had never been very vocal in bed, but he couldn't help those little whimpers that escaped his mouth.
It didn't take overly long to make him come, not when he was so tired and half drunk on painkillers, not when so much time passed since he was with anybody and when letting go for a moment simply felt good.
"Fuck, Nath!" Shelby bit his lip, trying to block any unnecesary sound and raised his hips invonturaly. Thanks God Nathan seemed to not have a fucking gag reflex.